it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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