Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
