just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize