don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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