I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
