just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
