operation have a gay friend backfired
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
