So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
