ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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