Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
