cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
