My cat gives me a boner
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My breasts were aching with rage.
True strength comes from lack of pants
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
