Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
operation harelip BJ is a go
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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