i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
