on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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