So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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