First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
