The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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