just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
