the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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