and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
