I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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