Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
