Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
