the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Sorry my hands just texted you
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
