i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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