You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
