I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
