I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
