this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
