Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
