I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
