I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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