If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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