Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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