two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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