Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
