dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
