the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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