Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
