I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
is that a dick in a sweater?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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