All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize