im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
