I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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