i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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