You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
