so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
