If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
