I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize