yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
