She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
