Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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