Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
