Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
