dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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