porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
