I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We were destined to go to rehab together
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
