he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize