i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
