she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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