so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
