Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
