so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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