I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
