Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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