The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
