Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize