So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
