I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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