Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize