I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
