I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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