I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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