I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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