I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize