You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
