i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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