My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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