don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
