i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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