Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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