He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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