I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
