I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
