dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
