Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
