Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Randomize
