Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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