He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He better not be in your backpack
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
