my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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