how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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