its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
