Swine flu. Run for my life!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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