this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You were trust falling into bushes
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
