i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he thought i was a dude.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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