so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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