Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just googled if crying burns calories
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
