somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So many bounce houses so little time
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
