dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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