I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Drake has all the answers
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
