i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
