you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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