SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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