I just pynch a tree in the face
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
