Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
